No. 26 - On Endings and Beginnings

This week marked the end of an absolutely lovely and fulfilling experience and professional relationship. For the last 13 weeks, I’ve had the pleasure of working with an amazing UVic marketing co-op student who was responsible for all the beautiful photos you’ve seen on our website and social media. Her presence in the tea studio was a true joy, and she will be greatly missed. Please join me in raising a teacup to Connie, who is now off to spend her term abroad in Paris. Connie, thank you for your contributions, creativity, and all-around awesomeness. Wonderful adventures await you! While it’s an ending for both Connie and myself, it’s also a new beginning. How about you? Are you feeling any sense of endings and beginnings in the air? If yes, how will you keep your sense of serenity? How to persevere? How to look after your well-being? I have some thoughts ...

Serenity

Where do we find the grace to transition from one ending to the next beginning? How we manage depends, I suppose, on the abruptness of the ending. It’s like being in a small boat on the open ocean—how long it takes to return to stillness depends on the size of the wave that passes through. And if a wave is large enough to flip you over completely, the number of hands available to right you again makes all the difference. If it feels like the last few months have brought you tsunamis, and your boat flipped, spilling all the tea, have faith that you are not alone and there are many hands ready to help. Often, all they need in return is a hug, thanks, and perhaps a cup of tea. Or maybe your boat stayed upright, but you’ve found yourself pointed in a completely different direction. Can you listen to the wind and set a new course? Either way, you have a new beginning; may it bring only gentle ripples, and may not a drop of tea be spilt.

Perseverance

When it comes to endings, there always seem to be decisions to make about which new beginning to choose. Door 1 or door 2? Path 3 or path 4? Tea 5 or tea 6 through 12? While it’s natural to want to avoid making rash decisions (or maybe you prefer to dive right in—you do you!), eventually, we all have to just choose and get started. You could easily find 20 friends, countless relatives, and a thousand books, blogs, and podcasts offering advice and inspiration. But in the end, the decision is yours and yours alone. You’ll make it, persevere down your chosen path, and maybe you’ll pick the perfect tea—or maybe not. Either way, you will have begun, and starting is often the hardest part. So, treat yourself to a celebratory cup of tea (may I suggest a Darjeeling, the champagne of teas?) and move forward with filled with the knowing that there are many more endings and beginnings ahead. And remember, practice makes progress.

Well-being

I think the scary thing about endings and beginnings is the sense of losing control. Little kids, because they still express their feelings so openly, offer perfect examples. If every night, Mama brings the teddy bear, reads the story, and sings the song, it’s shocking for a child if any one of those things is missing or out of order. They feel the loss, and some fussing is to be expected. As adults, our fussing might be internal (or not, depending on how intense the sensation), but it’s still there. Some endings we can anticipate and overcome in advance—I never travel without tea; I’m just not willing to risk an interruption, however brief, to my morning or evening tea rituals! But some endings, we cannot control. Research shows that rituals, whether they’re one-time actions or recurring routines, can be a significant source of well-being in the face of both minor and major endings. According to Michael Norton: “The utility of the ritual isn’t related to its practicality. Absurd rituals can have high utility. If it helps you create that sense of control, if it calms your anxiety, that’s what matters. Think of performers who do strange rituals before going on stage. They know that walking in a circle three times while repeating a mantra doesn’t help them win, but it helps them calm down so they can perform.”

So, if you’re experiencing an ending—from the mundane end of the day to the life-shattering ending of loss—lean into ritual. Create your own or borrow one, make it elaborate or as simple as pouring a cup of tea. And, over time, the ending will soften into a new beginning.

One more thing...

"Ring out the old, ring in the new, Ring, happy bells, across the snow: The year is going, let him go; Ring out the false, ring in the true..."
- Alfred, Lord Tennyson, Ring Out, Wild Bells

Until next time,
Steep Calm,
Bree